You are a Work of Art

I am paranoid about so many things. It drives me absolutly crazy though. Sometimes it seems almost as deep as me being paranoid of being paranoid. I often feel like I am crazy and that there's no possible way anyone would ever love me. When everyone around me finds love, where do I go? There's no place for my lonely heart. Or is there? Or am I just the outcast in a world full of love? Well, that never seems to hit me right. What a desolate world with so little love. But why does it feel so lonely? Why does my heart break at the sight of love? Why does my brow sink to the muddy floor when I hear of great acts of love? It is the most confusing feeling I have ever experienced in my whole life. I feel so lonely, but at the first sight of possible love, I cry and run. What a coward. God, I can't hear You!! Oh, what sins am I? LOST LOST. Save me, dear Friend. Loneliness is eating up my smile. Am I really so hopeless for love, or am I work of art that's been hiding in the dark all this time?


prayer for today:
Dearest Friend in my heart,
SAVE ME FROM MY LONELINESS!!! It's pulling me around by the threads of my joy. Each day one more thread snaps and it now drags me by the hair. Give me peace, patience, kindness, and goodness! I give myself to you, my shelter and keeper of my soul. Amen.

lyrics for today :

I'm an old soul in a complex mind
I'm a young heart that's been compromised
When I felt alone in the bitter cold
You were there right by my side
and you told me

You are, you are a work of art
You're a masterpiece, you're hiding in the dark
Singin' you are, you are a work of art
The shadows cover up and hide your weary heart

I'm a caged bird that has lost its voice
I'm a soldier with a paper sword
When I gave up to the other side
You were there to rescue me and you told me

"Shadows"- Raining and OK

Currently Reading: The Real Book (It's music book)

Currently Listening: Always Will Be EP- Raining amd OK

Philosophical Thought of the Day: When we feels huge, look to the clouds for just a moment to feel small, so we see God bigger than ourselves.

Alex

I Don't Do Superman.

You know how sometimes when we're having one of those days where everything seems like it's awesome. You wake up and you just realize that Mom made cinnamon rolls, then when you get out of bed to get dressed, your favorite shirt is clean. You get to school on time, realize you did your homework, you're ahead of schedule. Guess what we're thinking most of the time: We're Superman!

Well, we're all high and mighty until we get home and your dog has brought a dozen dead birds in the house along with his dirty, muddy self.

What really hit me is that if we are thankful for what God has graciously given us (in this particular case, an easy-going day) then when we come back down (which, believe me, you WILL do) we don't hit the concrete so hard. If we aren't constantly swinging our fists at God, perhaps we can lay down our pride and give God a chance to help us grow. That's what I'm working on.

Prayer for Today:

My dearest Jesus,
I thank you deeply for everything that you have blessed me with. I pray that when I feel like everything is going right, that I give you all the glory and praise. I pray, Lord, that as I go through this day, that I seek to do everything for you with a servant's heart. I love you so much. I lay my pride down at your feet today because I cannot do any of this on my own. Amen.

Lyrics for Today:
Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 am

The phone rings in the car
The wife is working hard
She's running late tonight again

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

That's right

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
Someday, someday
Someday we'll be together
Someday
I'm no Superman

Currently Reading: Fahrenheit 451 (still)

Currently Listening: Goodnight- William Fitzsimmons

Philosophical Thought of the Day: Leave your faults behind and you'll find that chains fall off. Bring your faults along and you'll find they're attached to you wherever you go.

Love, Peace, and Joy,
Alex

It's About That Time...

To start blogging again! It has been two months. Which is waaay too long. Right now I am sitting in the Yellow Zone in the ER. I am the ER transpoter for the night until 3:30am. Yes, I am well near crazy to do a shift like this. But I like it. I am currently waiting for a patient to move...hence the blog; although I have already been writing this over the last half hour in between jobs. I suspect that this blog will be lengthy so it probably will be finished much later than I started it.

So right now I am reading in 1 Timothy 1. It's pretty amazing how much grace that God shows to us despite all of our sins and shortcomings. This passage is a great example of how that grace drives His children to perceptive, humble gratefulness. Here's verses 12-14.

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Paul is really just laying down his pride and giving all praise and thanks due to his Lord and Savior for the great things He has done in his life.

May we all strive to look outside ourselves, outside our problems, and outside the troubles this world is constantly shoving our face to see and be thankful for the amazing love and mercy God blesses us with daily.

Since the last time I posted I decided to add a few things to the "Today" section of the blog aside from Lyrics for Today and Prayer for Today. There will now be a Philosophical Thought of the Day, Currently Reading, and Currently Listening section at the bottom of the blog, just to add a little more jelly to the PB&J sandwich. Well, gee. Ampersands are awesome; don't use them ery often but it seems like it belongs in the PB&J. So here we go with all the regular "Today's" and the new "Today's" ( as usual though, no "Prayer for Today": I do that in the morning =))

Lyrics for Today:

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)
Well hallelujah, hallelu
(I will walk by faith)

I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith
I will, I will, I will walk by faith

"Walk By Faith" -Jeremy Camp


Currently Reading: Fahrenhiet 451

Currently Listening: Speaking Louder than Before- Jeremy Camp

Philosophical Thought of the Day: Don't eat grass already! You haven't been defeated yet!

Blessings,
Alex

Strange Shift Stories I :The Blue Rag

Well, would you look at that, I haven't blogged in over a month. I guess I have been keeping busy. I got a job as a patient transporter at Banner Gateway Medical Center about two weeks ago and I LOVE it. It is a great pleasure to go to work on a weekly/daily basis. What really keeps me coming back though are the people, the patients and most of all the adventure and oddities. In most cases, one might run into at least one humorous situation during a shift.

For instance, when I'm done transporting a patient I have to take the bed, disinfect it and wipe it down with something called a blue rag. Now the blue rag is not a complicated medical tool, it does not have some hidden medical meaning; it is simply a rag that is blue. Now when I am done with the blue rag I have to throw it in a bin (which has a blue trash bag, interestingly enough) that says, "blue rags only" on the top of its lid. Well, today I ran into a predicament. I went to clean a bed with a blue rag and the rag- was not blue. It had been bleached and indeed was a lovely off-white.

Now what?

Well, where do you put the blue rags that someone has geniously bleached white? Is there an aptly named "reject" bin?

I looked.

There is no such thing. So I had to settle for breaking the clearly stated rules of the blue rag bin lid. I walked away feeling like quite the rebel. But what was I to do? Throw it in the trash? Of course not. They wash and reuse such valuable items. So, my friend, find yourself in such a predicament and you might just have to bend the rules a wee bit. I guess it was a blue rag once.

It's like fruit when it gets bruised. You don't throw it in the fruit bin because it's "not fruit anymore". But why not? It was fruit once. Someone who doesn't care about bruises on fruit will walk by and be delighted that you put that bruised peach back in the drawer. So put the reject blue rag in the blue rag bin. That's right, you rebel; do it. Maybe someone should talk to the guy cleaning the rags. Maybe his mother never told him that bleach removes color.

Thus ends the first of many Strange Shift Stories.

Keep your rags straight,
Alex

CCO Transporter
BGMC =)

Long Time, No Blog

It's been far too long since my last blogger blog. I posted a few on the Myspace and totally forgot about my Blogger. I forgot how much blogging really helps me get my eyes in the right place for the day. Things have been real busy lately. Since my last blog I decided that I want to go to the Herberger School of Arts (no, they don't make hamburgers there). That's ASU's school for Arts and such. I want get my Jazz Studies Major and Lord-willingly work towards my Performance Major. It's going to be a huge load of work to do it but I am ready and willing to spend lots of timing learning all that I can. With the help of my awesome guitar teacher Donnie, it's going to be hard work but worth all the hours of practice. Can I just say that my guitar teacher is the best? Really, he is. Anyway, did you know that putting "anyways" at the beginning of a sentence is grammatically incorrect? Well, here's a prayer and some lyrics for the day! Have a good day.

Prayer for today:
Dear Lord, I pray that today I will surrender all control to you. Please help me to keep my anger not only to myself but to avoid becoming angry at all. Please help me be patient with all of those around me. Thank you for never giving up on me even when it seems that you should. You are beautiful and amazing beyond description. Your grace is so amazing. Thank you for your love. Amen.

Lyrics for today:

I'm as eloquent as an elephant
I'm as headstrong as the Mighty King Kong
On a rampage throwing airplanes
I can't believe you haven't gone away
I am difficult, argumentative
I'm as thick-skulled as the dinosaur bones on a display in a glass case
I can't believe you haven't run away

It must be different through your eyes
Because you look at me like it's the first time
That you've ever seen my face

I'm preoccupied with a crowded mind
I get off track like a train rolling back to the future
Never too sure who'll be here when I come back around
But I'm finding out

It must be different through your eyes
Because you look at me like it's the first time
That you've ever seen my face

"Eloquent"- Sanctus Real

I'm Sitting on My Phone (When, In All Reality, I Don't Actually Own a Phone)

Which, in fact, is true. I am indeed sitting on my cellphone while I am here at my job which doesn't pay me a cent. It's all good though, I am a volunteer, but I work a lot. Anyway, the reason I am sitting on my phone it that I want to make sure I could feel my phone vibrate if it rings. For some reason I cannot feel this particular phone vibrate in any of my front pockets. And since I work in a hospital, I really shouldn't have my phone on ring. Now, bristle not, I am doing my job, but sometimes there is a lull and I get to do random things like explore the chasms of wikipedia or (to my recent delight) blog. There are a lot of Internet restrictions here on the work computers, but I found a way to make do and entertain myself. It's funny how things are. I don't think I ever really spend a lot of time on wikipedia but when I am here at work I can be on wikipedia for two hours at a time. Just because you work in an endless field of work, it does allow though for the occasional lull. I get off in about an hour and a half...oh just kidding two and a half hours. Or maybe I'll try and get my supervisor to let me go back to my humble home. I'll try that. Yeah, sounds like a good idea. And I just took my phone out of my pocket because I discovered that my phone gets no service in my pocket, because T-Mobile doesn't have the greatest coverage. So if I move the phone about two feet, I get perfect service. So the phone is no longer in my pocket. Haha. Scrubs are comfortable. This is the longest, most random blog. And to top of the randomness, I'll add a lovely picture.

Good Grief, Blogger Brown!

WAH??? She forgot to blog? Yes I did. I've been working Dialysis at the hospital lately. Such things keep one quite busy! I haven't had time for anything, not even a social life. LOL. Well, hopefully I get the day off today. God has been teaching me all kinds of awesome things. Like patience and humility. Did you know that most people (like me) who tend to have a bad temper, need to work on their humility?? God showed me that. I kind of didn't think of them as synonymous. BUT they are! And God has really just been teaching me to look out for others, not me. What a great God we serve, eh?? If I could express is typing, it would be something like this: AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God really is! Mmmmhmmmm.

Prayer for Today:
Jesus, please help me to flip myself upside down for you, give me passion for the world around me and to shine your light to it. Please give me your compassion and love for those around me. You are amazing beyond description, thank you for being my best friend even when I feel like giving up. You hold my hand when I can't even hold myself up! Thank you for your mercy! I love you forever. Amen.

Lyrics for today:

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

-Brandon Heath "Give Me Your Eyes"

Dashboard

Hoh my wow...I thought someone was breaking in this morning! It was scary. My parents are gone for their anniversary and my brothers were out for Josh's swim team which happens every morning. But they kept pouding on the door. So I decided to ignore it. I have to go get guitar strings today. Actually within the next hour so I can record and finalize at least two tracks for my album. So off, to work! Have a a great day! Oh I titled today's "Dashboard" because that was the first word I saw when I came to blog =)

My Prayer for Today:
Dear Jesus, as I go throuh this day, help me to focus on doing what I have to do and do it well for your glory. You are amazing beyond anything or anyone could ever describe. Thank you for being my best friend and for reeling me back in when I have swam so far away from you! Thank you Lord. Amen.

Lyrics for Today:
Hey little sister
Why do you cry?
Holding your head so low,
May I ask you why?

Don't you know that He loves you?
Don't you know that He cares?
He will never leave you, no,
And never leave you there.

'Cause you are perfect
You are perfectly,
Perfectly done.

And hey little brother,
I know life has been rough.
But I believe in you,
'Cause in God you are tough.

You must stand tall,
And leave it all.
Never let this whole world,
Take away your soul.

'Cause you are perfect,
You are perfectly,
Perfectly done.

You are perfect,
Yes, you are perfectly done.

"Perfectly Done"- Shawn McDonald

Getting Older and Moving On

It's pretty amazing. The people I have experienced my every life struggle, happiness, joy, sadness, gid with have now graduated. They are on to the real world. I am just so blown away by God's mercy and grace upon them. All five of them are such wonderful, Godly people I can't even begin to express how amazingly molded in Christ's image these kids are. Haha kids...they aren't kids anymore. Funny enough, neither am I; I'm a senior now. God's mercy and goodness are truely overwhelming in our lives. I'm so wowed. If any of you seniors ever end up reading my blog: Well done, my dear friends. You are in my prayers, keep Christ first and always look to Him for your strength. And come visit me at school =) I love you all! Now back to what I was saying. God's amazing power. When you really take a step back and see how much your friends have grown, God's beauty is really evident. At least to me it is. So I'm going to take this time to pray a prayer of thanksgiving.

Prayer for Today:
Dear Jesus, I am completely overwhelmed by your goodness and your mercy in my life and the lives of my friends. I pray that I never cease to see the glory in it all. THank you for being my fortress and strong rock as I have grown. I pray Lord that as I continue to grow that I will never grow away from you but I pray that would only grow closer to you. Please bless the graduates in this new stage of life. AMEN.

Monday Mania

AH SUMMER. first Monday of summer, I have to work a big bulk of the day, but it's cool!! Getting ready for a big giant party. I haven't had a big party at my house, well, in a very long time. I MUST clean my room today. It's a dump. Just had some breakfast and an Orange Julius, yum. Not a whole lot more to blog about. Working on patience. Patience is an amazing gift...that I definitely have very little of. And I hit blog number 20 the other day!!! WOW. cool.

Prayer for Today:
Dear Jesus, I am a restless soul. I am not patient. Please help me to see Your plan is right and it goes at the right speed. You are great and mightier than all my problems, help me to always look to you! Thank you for your grace and your patience with me. I can't do the things I need to do alone. Thank you for being my support. AMEN.

Lyrics for today:

Did I change your mind with
What I said last night?
Did I break your heart by
Straying so far?
From what you have in mind
For my life?

Would you change me from
Who I've been lately?
'Cause I know I'm nothing
Without you

Did my words betray the
Patience I once claimed
Can't you see it in my face?
I need your grace

Would you change me from
Who I've been laterly?
'Cause I lnow I'm nothing
Without you
Would you save me from
The way I've been lately?
'Cause I can't see living
Without you

Would you change me from
Who I've been lately?
'Cause I lnow I'm nothing
without you
Would you break me from
The way I've been lately?
'Cause I can't see living
Without you

"Change Me"- Sanctus Real